aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
