hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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