Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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