Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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