Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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