and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
