i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Randomize
