she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
