You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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