Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
