Fine. I'll sleep in my office
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
