I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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