literally had 100 drinks last night.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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