Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
