and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
