can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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