she's into porn, im staying here tonight
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
FUCK WHALES
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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