I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
3 2 1 whiskey
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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