brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
