It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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