I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
did i just pee glitter
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
