I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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