Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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