Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
