Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
