I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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