Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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