so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
