Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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