$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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