You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
