also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
