she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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