yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
