The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
