my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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