Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
