why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I will be naked everywhere
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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