3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Randomize
