this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
