so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
