You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
