For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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