There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
