i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
