I'm so fucking centered right now
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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