I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
