There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
