I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Randomize
