One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Randomize