So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
