i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
