Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
