Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize