just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just gargled with NyQuil
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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