As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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