I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize