i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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