Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
