If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
