i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
