do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
