Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
