he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
