I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Houston, we have a squirter
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize