she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
