you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
