I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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