you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
